Deke Nopdenhoj

Deke Nopdenhoj was an incredible man.  He single-handedly defeated Genghis Khan at Waterloo and invented the appetizer.  He went on to become an accomplished author, astrophysicist and janitor.  He was later arrested for sexually molesting a tree stump outside of a Wendy’s.


I am at Family Dollar. I am sitting in the parking lot. I am drunk. My friend Chris is inside get stuff for fucking smores. S’mores. Some mores. Smores. I fucking hate smores. The chance that I will eat exactly zero shit smores is 99.9%. Today I went in the woods and found morel mushrooms and wild fucking asparagus. Asparagus makes my piss smell like the asshole of a month-old dead beaver carcass but I like it. Crackdown is fun. I have now blogged


Today is thirsty Thursday and I am fairly drunk.  I drank Tennessee moonshine tonight.  White lightning.  It was absolutely the worst.  You may as well drink straight isopropyl alcohol.  Terrible as shit.

Lamb of God’s music is for fags and bitches but they are awesome sometimes.  There are maybe 5 songs of theirs that get me hyped.  I will not be following up that statement with any kind of opinions or evidence to support my point.  Get fucked and suck a black dick.  Vanisher is awesome as shit though.  They are very much better than Lamb of Shit.  Many many props go to Vanbergs for bringing this band to my attention.  They are seriously my new favorite band.  My favorite songs of theirs are Into the Sands, Deceiver, Blood Red Sky, and A Wolf in the Fold.

Tonight I viewed a Victoria’s Secret catalog for the first time in many years, and was amazed.  I was extremely disappointed at the lack of photos featuring Adriana Lima and Marisa Miller, but was pleasantly surprised to find photos of both Bar Rafaeli and Kate Upton.  This I was not expecting.  I did not make myself unclean, unfortunately as I was in the company of others.


Fuck XMAS I am glad that stupid shit is over but I got Halo 4 and glowchild got Black Ops 2

We tried to burn a XMAS tree with gasoline and lighter fluid tonight but we failed.  It was incredibly sad.


I hate battlefield and medal of honor


fuck EA

fuck the NRA

fuck guns




IN MEMORIAM – 11/16/12

The world received some very disconcerting news today.  It appears that national treasure Hostess Brands has gone under. Twinkies.  Zingers.  Wonder Bread.  Drake’s coffee cake.  The most delicious orange cupcakes in the history of mankind.  It’s all gone.  Hostess Brands had a lot of well-known products, so I imagine somebody will step up and purchase the rights to all of them, but we will have to see.  For now we will just have to deal with Little Debbie and Dolly Madison, the inbred bastard step-children of American confections and dessert pastries.


Keep in mind that these worked.  No 17 year old in the history of mankind was more obviously not 21 than I was, and I used these.  The fake KCC student ID and the organ donor sticker on the back on the license may have helped, those were nice touches.


The long-forgotten-about things you find while cleaning never cease to amaze me.






I heard a rumor that if you punch yourself in the penis as hard as possible a genie pops out and grtants you 17 wishes

this is not true

I am tired of watching michigan football look like assholes.  this is not homer high school junior varsity, this is a major ncaa division 1 program.  stop fucking around brady GD hoke

This has been a rough day for me, I have been drinking and eating pork for 7 hours and I still have a 3+ hours tigers game to sit and drink through

I plan to shit out sausage and peppers for the duration of sunday, 9/9/12 it will be terrible and it will hurt and I might perish

my blog is awesome

I beat bioshock 2 fuck eleanor lamb she is a stupid bitch the research camera is the worst game feature ever it should be ashamed of itself

ken levine should be shot he drinks pee